1. The sting of being told you’re “really” something you’re not
After deciding to live as their birth sex, many detransitioned women find that some former trans friends keep using male pronouns behind their backs. One woman who now wears “extremely feminine” clothes says she still gets “he/him’d by the people that knew me as trans… I really wonder if they think I’m just confused and trying to deny my ‘true identity’.” – macklemorty source [citation:1005ddce-9aff-4352-8560-636d51aa79f4]
This quiet refusal to accept her womanhood feels like an invisible wall: the same community that once insisted “mis-gendering is violence” now withholds the very affirmation it demands for itself.

2. The double-standard toward gender non-conforming women
Several women notice that trans activists who call ordinary mis-gendering “literal violence” will still lump masculine-looking females under a trans or “they/them” label without asking. One detransitioned woman writes, “they say misgendering is literal violence that kills people but they totally have it in them to lump themselves with you when you’re a GNC person (even in the simplest ways like… you were still wearing a pink outfit, what).” – vsapieldepapel source [citation:fb2d8d71-2aa1-4939-8bb9-2ef431af5d0d]
In practice, the stereotype radar gets reversed: instead of freeing people from boxes, the movement sometimes creates a new box labeled “must be trans” for any woman who doesn’t look overtly feminine.

3. Over-correction by strangers who are afraid to say “she”
Other encounters happen with well-meaning strangers. A deep voice or short haircut prompts shop assistants to default to “sir” and then scramble: “this… gentleman(?) is looking for [foodstuff]. Could you take him(??) to the right aisle?” – FoolOfASoup source [citation:ce8fd867-9681-459f-9c50-de878d2341b9]
The clerk later admits she “thought I was (a woman) but didn’t want to offend me.”
Here, gender ideology hasn’t erased stereotypes; it has just made people anxious about naming them, so they mis-gender in the opposite direction while trying to be polite.

4. The emotional punch: feeling erased and disrespected
Whatever the speaker’s motive, the listener often hears the same message: “You’re not who you say you are.” One woman summarizes, “Being misgendered after detransitioning… feels like being called a liar for just living as your sex.” – Lurkersquid source [citation:109fa080-96ce-4f25-82c6-ba9497e135d6]
Because detransition is itself a boundary-setting act—“I am a girl… and it should be respected” – Majestic_Simple_1541 source [citation:5006d2e3-b99a-430e-8dd5-66e84119da7c] – every misplaced “he” can feel like a quiet vote against that decision.

5. Finding courage in clear, calm self-assertion
Women who push back discover that a simple, friendly correction—“I’m a woman”—usually ends the moment without drama. One advises, “If you kinda brush it off and don’t focus on pronouns, the average person will probably just auto-adopt a ‘my bad’ and not raise any further gender questions.” – trialeterror source [citation:0847e93b-1806-415a-81fe-6c07546d3344]
Another sees standing up as a form of liberation: “They feel intimidated by people who are simply themselves… sometimes they need to be ‘put back in their place’.” – vsapieldepapel source [citation:fb2d8d71-2aa1-4939-8bb9-2ef431af5d0d]
The act of naming reality becomes both self-care and a quiet challenge to the stereotype system itself.

Conclusion
Mis-gendering hurts because it repeats the old command: “Fit the box.” Whether the speaker is nervous, spiteful, or just confused, the healthiest response is to remember that boxes are optional. You can correct gently, dress as you like, and let your life show that womanhood (or manhood) is not a costume or a performance—it is simply the fact of being you. Each calm “I’m a woman” is a step away from anxiety and toward the freedom of plain, un-medicalized self-acceptance.